18 October 2010

I'm told I don't come across well.


There's a reason I seldom leave home.
There's a reason I enjoy my solitude.
There's a reason I don't get close, and keep my distance.
There's a reason...

So, don't come into my world and tell me I'm rubbing you the wrong way.
My world doesn't touch yours...
     and, I never invited you in.

You click on the bookmark
*no referring link*
so you can find something which incites you
between my words.

You love to hate me.
Me... the mother of your offspring?
The one who got away?
The reason for your failed relationships?
The reason for your failed life?
The reason you burnt your toast this morning?

You think my words are directed at you.
You anon yourself into my blog.
You cajole and you quip;
You twist and you turn and you lie
safely
warmly
snuggly
inside the blanket of a mask
you stab me with your keyboard.

You know who I am.
I'm the reason you're miserable.
I'm the reason you fight.
I'm the reason you can't sleep at night.
Me...without even trying.

I
am
just
sitting
here
putting
one
word
after
another
on
this
page...

You read the words and go berserk.
"What a moron!; What a jerk!"
"What a worthless piece of work!"

So... stop reading my blog.

I write to express, to talk, to feel...
something.
A gift I've not had access to in my non-virtual world,
as I feel my soul slowly dying...
like my skin - shriveling up and thinning; blotchy; tired

...and so very much alone; untouched.

Words I speak aloud are seldom heard;
they fall to the floor and seep into the cracks
where they cushion the soles
of the people I pick up after.

...until I put them down here
and you read them
and decide for yourself what I'm saying
and it's never pretty...

for you don't see me as pretty
you can't see me as pretty
you won't see me as pretty
...on the inside

I write for myself
I write of my feelings, my thoughts and my fears.
I don't write for you.
I don't know who you are.

Were we once friends?
Did you once care?
Because if so, I don't know you anymore...

and you most certainly don't know me,
...if you ever did.
So, stop reading my blog.

In Joy & Enjoy

.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well, I think you are awesome, my dear sweet friend! And talented, too!

/de

Anonymous said...

Great poem! I feel this way too, but I like to way you expressed it in poetry. Now you're really swimming in the deep waters. Wonder how many Shallow Hals will be overwhelmed by your words this time? Love your blog. Keep writing, please.

Sandra Miller Linhart said...

I love my friends.

Anonymous said...

You're really a very good writer.

pass the popcorn, please!