28 April 2011

When I was in something like the 5th grade...

...
there was a guy I really liked. We hung out with our friends at recess and giggled (well, I did) and talked (I guess that was all me, too) ...but he did smile a lot at me and stood close by.

One day at recess he asked me to follow him. He led me behind the 5th grade stairs, and into a corner unseen by teachers' eyes, and sat on the asphalt.

I was (and am) painfully shy.  It took all the bravery I could muster to walk with him.  He gestured for me to sit beside him in the corner between the brick wall and cement stairs.  I sat.  He timidly reached for my hand.  I remember his skin was soft and warm.  He leaned in to perhaps kiss me when our "friends" spied us and started pointing and laughing.

He took off one way, I the other ~ both beet-red and near tears.

Later that day during gym class (back when gym was co-ed and consisted of two days a week of chasing a random ball around the field in our regular clothes), he sidled up next to me and said, what I heard as, "What class do we have next?"  I heard my friends giggling behind me, so I said, "I don't KNOW!" but I mumbled the first two words, so it came out more of a "NO!" I fear.

Then, I ran away like the brave, confrontational soul I am.

The next day my friend asked me why I told  him "no" when he asked me to "go with" him.  I told her I didn't recall him asking me to go with him and I most certainly would not have said "no" to him [insert an indignant tone] - I really liked him. She said he said he had asked me during gym class, and I had screamed out "NO!"

At that point I realized what had happened and asked my friend to ask him to ask me again ~ because in the 5th grade you always ask your friends to do stuff like that.  It's unheard of to stick your own neck into the fire.  I suppose in high school it's kind of the opposite.  You ask your friend to break it to your significant other that s/he's not so much - significant, that is. At least that's how I got jilted as a sophomore. But, as usual, I'm digressing. If I could steer you back to my original story...

Too late! I had an enemy for life, it seems.  Not only did he stop talking to me, he started making fun of me.  But, who could blame him, really?  I thought he asked me what was up next on our academic agenda. Would it have killed me to say, "Algebra"?  Then he might have looked at me like I was eating frog eyeballs, and repeated his question. We may have been laughing about it to this day, snuggled on the couch and reminiscing the story to our grandchildren.

I got a ticket for stopping on my way to work this morning.  Or rather, for not stopping... at a four-way stop sign... in which I had a truck in front of me and cars going the other directions in the queue.  Truck stopped and proceeded. I pulled up to the sign and stopped, waiting for green car to my left to go - as it was his right-of-way.  Then, I pulled out and turned right. Cop caught up to me two blocks down, stating I'd not stopped.  I have no proof.  I know what I know.  I know I stopped.  If I hadn't, I would've caused an accident.

It'll cost me $110 and 4 points if I walk away with my tail between my legs, and chances are if I fight it, I'll still have to pay.

It put me in a really off mood all day.

As I was driving home, grumbling ~ because there are so many better uses for $110 than to pay some jerks who lie behind a badge ~ it dawned on me: I had snakes writhing from my forehead and cast black shadows with my dark mood everywhere I went. Suppose someone ... some guy... liked me from afar (I know, stretch, right?) and was watching me at that very moment, wondering if I were worth the pain and embarrassment of asking me what class we had next... and saw me in that particular state. A state I'm not typically in, btw, but it doesn't matter. The poison is spread. All he could possibly hear is me screaming "NO!"

Life really doesn't give one much of a second chance, does she?

Enjoy & In Joy.

26 April 2011

nice OLD surprise

...
A friend of mine lent me a book the other day.  Published in 1927, and "coined from a life of love, laughter and work, by a man who achieved greatly in literature, art, philosophy and business... gathered together by Elbert Hubbard II. Done into a book by the Roycrofters, at their shops which are located in East Aurora, Erie County, New York and Published by Wm. H. Mist & Co, New York, NY..." - The Note Book of Elbert Hubbard.

I've not coveted anything like this before in my life. If there were a hell, I'd be headed there for envy toward my friend for owning this book. It's a wonderful piece.  It fills my heart with joy; found on each page another treasure.

I love old things. (...but, not people. Old people are not things, and they make me uncomfortable - probably because I see my future self locked inside the walnut shell of a body time and nature leave us as when we've survived their wringer of life.)

I adore this book... so much. Not only is it bound with ribbon, with crisp and cracking pages - it's rich with insight and truth. So much so, I've added the first quote of the book to my blog page.

Tangent ~ On facebook the other day, a young friend indicated how quotations aren't necessarily to be believed as they're not easily researched for accuracy. Twitx I say, "All it takes is a little fortitude and a library of books... or the internet."  If you know where to look and what sites are reputable, you can find out in a flash.  Or, you can grab the dead tree version and learn for yourself. I find it amusing these children believe carte blanche everything their almighty college professors say, but question the authenticity of intelligent quotes.  Have pen, will scribble.  Have podium, will brainwash.

"[Elbert Hubbard] knows that freedom to think and act, without withholding that right from any other, evolves humanity. Therefore he gives his best energy to inspiring men and women to think and to act, each for himself."

On center, page 1:

"The Supreme prayer of my heart is not to be learned, rich, famous, powerful or even good, but simply be radiant. I desire to radiate health, cheerfulness, calm courage and good-will. I wish to live without hate, whim, jealousy, envy , fear. I wish to be simple, honest, frank, natural, clean in mind and clean in body, unaffected - to say 'I do not know,' if it be so, and to meet all men on an absolute equality, to face any obstacle and meet every difficulty unabashed and unafraid. I wish others to live their lives, too, up to their highest, fullest and best. To that end I pray that I may never meddle, interfere, dictate, give advice that is not wanted, or assist when my services are not needed. If I can help people, I'll do it by giving them a chance to help themselves; and if I can uplift or inspire, let it be by example, inference and suggestion, rather than by injunction and dictation.  That is to say, I desire to be Radiant ~ to Radiate Life!"

This book is priceless. Not for what its worth in the book mart as an old tome, but for the timeless messages within.

I've been blessed for the short time I'll have 'possession' of the Note Book of Elbert Hubbard.

In Joy & Enjoy

17 April 2011

I'm having one of those months

...
where I have a thought I'd like to share, but by the time I have time to write it down, it's already dissipated in my brain, leaving not a trace behind.

I've been learning much about myself this past few weeks, through trials and tribulations. And, much about the people around me.  I've learned not many people have a healthy sense of humor, nor are they able to personally disengage from topics - even if the topics have nothing to do with them.

I don't want this blog to be all about me, but when I venture out in the world I get smacked down for "talking about others" - even though I'm writing about my experiences with said subject.  It always seems to come back around a person feels threatened by my words, (lions and tigers and bears, oh my!) or thinks I'm telling tales of their lives.

Rest assured, I speak only of my perceptions of my life. I don't gossip, nor do I prattle on about other's "should-have done-s" or "what I would do-s" or "what you need to do-s" in their lives. Who am I to tell someone else how to live, when I've yet to get a handle on it?

But this is all diatribe, and you're more than likely tired of listening.

I realized just the other day, some of you may have purchased The Elementary Adventures of Jones, JEEP, Buck & Blue from my previous publisher, for which I hang my head in shame. I probably gave away dozens of copies to family and friends before I actually cracked open the books and read between the covers.  MANY errors (grammatical and spelling and plain old content) found their way into the books even after my proofing it a gazillion times; some of which weren't in the original document - some of which were, but were found and requested changed.  One glaring error was when I had placed Buck in the pit with Jones and Blue - when it ought to have been Travis.  No one caught that one, except for my eldest when she read it in hard copy format.  My previous publisher, IMHO must not have even glanced at the text, much less read it.

Which is why I'm offering the following:
If you purchased or received a copy of TEA of JJBB from my previous publisher (not Lionheart Group Publishing) or me, please email me at sandra@sandstarbooks.com to request a new copy(ies) free of charge. To make it fun, if you put in the subject line - please to replace - I'll sign your new copy before dropping it in the mail.  Please include your mailing address in the body of the text, as well as (just so I know you indeed own a copy) the first three words on page 32 of Jones.  I'll replace the first fifty requests, as that's about as many as were sold by that publisher. So far, LGP informs me we've exceeded that number exponentially - which speaks for itself.

I'm hugely embarrassed by the quality of the first edition of The Elementary Adventures of Jones, JEEP, Buck & Blue series.  You'll see my new publisher is much more professional and honest... and you'll not find anyone horribly singing of a mustache on their website. Oh, and BONUS!! My new publisher actually pays the royalties due their authors.

In Joy & Enjoy

04 April 2011

i had a dream

...
the other night. The only remaining memory upon waking was Jo saying, "Mom... your breath still smells like blood."

How very disconcerting.

I want to run away.
Maybe take a long cruise or a spend a month in Cozumel... or Italy... or...

I've always wanted to see the ancient ruins of Greece... Stonehenge of Wiltshire... the Moai of Easter Island... Prince Edward Island of Anne of Green Gables fame...

I love the ocean; the waves, the creatures, snorkeling, scuba diving and soaking my toes in the warm surges of the tide.  I love the feel of a vessel surging and falling with the pulse of the ocean waves, and bringing me along for the ride; a silent lullaby.

You don't get much of the ocean in Colorado.

I suppose I ought to be more grateful for that.
...

pass the popcorn, please!