09 June 2013

But, do you recall...

You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen...

Well, none of them have anything to do with this story

...so put your Christmas, uh, decorations back in the box.

Speaking of Christmas... I think it was around Christmas time, anyway... Jo came home from her friend's house with a wiener dog.

The story goes this little long dog had a fairly long tail...erm, tale of how she needed a home. Apparently, she was around 6 years old, fully house trained, and unable to reproduce (fixed).

We were her last hope - if we didn't take her in, the results would be catastrophic for all involved...
...end of the world scenario, and all that.

I was disinclined to acquiesce to Jo's pleas... but...

Meet Snausages, the newest member of our family:
yeah... she was also grossly overweight.

It's amazing how some people will warp the truth in order to sell something... or some dog to a person. Come to find out, Snausages not only is not fixed, she'd recently had puppies and her milk sacks were still producing...
...all over my fine furniture.

Additionally, when they said 'house trained' I thought they meant in the animal sense, not the human sense of 'potty trained' - trained to pee in the potty/toilet.

Oh, she's house-trained, all right! She's trained to pee all over my house and...
...all over my fine furniture.

She was not six years of age, but rather over nine years of age - according to our vet. She also has a heart murmur and breast cancer and a broken molar.
"Yes, I'd like to convert my dotter's college fund account into a Snausages' medical expense account."

And, she is the meanest bitch I've ever had in my house. Snausages, not Jo.

At times, while I'm drifting off to sleep all cozy in bed, my dotter's angry dachshund sidles up next to me, snuggling alongside my back like a long roll of warmth.  How does such a short little-legged thing get in my bed, you ask? Jo has a nasty habit of putting her there after I've gone to sleep. She thinks it's "cute".
Why, I oughta...

I've learned to start petting in the middle work my way to the right end... I can't tell you how many times I tried to scratch her behind her ears and we both got an unpleasant surprise.

Enjoy & In Joy

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pass the popcorn, please!