05 January 2013

Zombie Lies and other important thoughts


I've been contemplating zombies...

Do zombies really need glasses?
(she hates this picture)
Not because I see them every day on the streets where I live, stumbling in their drugged out, stupor-ish lives from one corner of existence to the next. Not because I'm afraid that's all life has to offer me in the choice of a Friday night date. But, because, like our current socialistic-bent economy, they're not sustainable.

Follow me here...

That's a good crowd... you can do it...
We all know what part our muscles play in our movement - it's not all just nerves, spine and brain function. In fact, even after we die we sometimes sit up on the table while Morty the Mortician is preparing us for our final show.

Or, we fart... just sayin' - we're not at our best.
Muscles move our bones and joints; they propel us forward. Without muscles, our brain can bitch all it wants at us to move but a'n't nothin' gonna happen.


So, here we have decomposing bodies stumbling toward us, grasping for our tasty brains because their brains have been infected with... well, to be quite frank, they keep changing it up on us - from gamma rays in space to some sort of plague or man-made virus.  Supposedly, the only way to kill these beasts is to unplug their brains - a hole through the brain with any sort of sharp, blunt or heavy instrument... or a bullet, seems to do the trick.

...or, not.
Okay. I'm not buying it. I think TPTB are setting us up for epic failure when the zombie apocalypse comes around.

Much like they do with the old wives' tale a vampire can't come into your home unless invited. Gives you a false sense of security, it does. And boy, is your neck red when you realized, too late, you've been led down the garlic path...

which is yet another lie.
But, back to zombies:

The way the body works is after you die, the components which are "you" cease to function.  Your digestive system no longer operates. (We know this because in every movie ever made about zombies, not one is squatted down to take a dump.)

...well, $h!t.
Hrm.... anyway, you can no longer turn brains into energy... so your muscles will, of course, deteriorate. Without these muscles, like a marathon-pot-smoking teen you a'n't going nowhere... fast.  Or slow. You'll be piled in a heap of rotting flesh and bones, hoping some hapless soul will trip on your corpse and into your gaping maw.

Unfortunately, there are just too many real images of corpse piles...
Which brings me to another thought I've often had - Wouldn't you be the most safe in an old-folk's home? After all, they have no teeth, can't get around without some kind of assistance and are already slow as hell - especially when they're in front of you in the supermarket aisle.

Same goes for babies.
I'm tangent-ing all over the place.

My lost-in-the-haystack needle of a point is, 'they' have been lying to us. IF a zombie is walking, it is not dead, only mostly dead.

...and mostly dead, is slightly alive.
IF it's mostly dead, it would have to be damaged in the frontal lobe - the part which apparently effects personality and behavior.  Therefore, you probably CAN stop a zombie by destroying its heart, spine - any part which would kill a living person.

Why are they lying to us, you ask? Maybe TPTB are hoping to watch the destruction of this civilization from the sidelines; taking bets and swapping statistics.

Wouldn't it suck to be working on the set of The Walking Dead when the Zombie Apocalypse breaks out? 
But, to be safe - if a zombie starts coming after you with hunger in its eyes, shoot it in the head. Jest sayin'...

Please ensure it is a zombie, and not your blind date.

In Joy & Enjoy 

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pass the popcorn, please!