28 April 2011

When I was in something like the 5th grade...

...
there was a guy I really liked. We hung out with our friends at recess and giggled (well, I did) and talked (I guess that was all me, too) ...but he did smile a lot at me and stood close by.

One day at recess he asked me to follow him. He led me behind the 5th grade stairs, and into a corner unseen by teachers' eyes, and sat on the asphalt.

I was (and am) painfully shy.  It took all the bravery I could muster to walk with him.  He gestured for me to sit beside him in the corner between the brick wall and cement stairs.  I sat.  He timidly reached for my hand.  I remember his skin was soft and warm.  He leaned in to perhaps kiss me when our "friends" spied us and started pointing and laughing.

He took off one way, I the other ~ both beet-red and near tears.

Later that day during gym class (back when gym was co-ed and consisted of two days a week of chasing a random ball around the field in our regular clothes), he sidled up next to me and said, what I heard as, "What class do we have next?"  I heard my friends giggling behind me, so I said, "I don't KNOW!" but I mumbled the first two words, so it came out more of a "NO!" I fear.

Then, I ran away like the brave, confrontational soul I am.

The next day my friend asked me why I told  him "no" when he asked me to "go with" him.  I told her I didn't recall him asking me to go with him and I most certainly would not have said "no" to him [insert an indignant tone] - I really liked him. She said he said he had asked me during gym class, and I had screamed out "NO!"

At that point I realized what had happened and asked my friend to ask him to ask me again ~ because in the 5th grade you always ask your friends to do stuff like that.  It's unheard of to stick your own neck into the fire.  I suppose in high school it's kind of the opposite.  You ask your friend to break it to your significant other that s/he's not so much - significant, that is. At least that's how I got jilted as a sophomore. But, as usual, I'm digressing. If I could steer you back to my original story...

Too late! I had an enemy for life, it seems.  Not only did he stop talking to me, he started making fun of me.  But, who could blame him, really?  I thought he asked me what was up next on our academic agenda. Would it have killed me to say, "Algebra"?  Then he might have looked at me like I was eating frog eyeballs, and repeated his question. We may have been laughing about it to this day, snuggled on the couch and reminiscing the story to our grandchildren.

I got a ticket for stopping on my way to work this morning.  Or rather, for not stopping... at a four-way stop sign... in which I had a truck in front of me and cars going the other directions in the queue.  Truck stopped and proceeded. I pulled up to the sign and stopped, waiting for green car to my left to go - as it was his right-of-way.  Then, I pulled out and turned right. Cop caught up to me two blocks down, stating I'd not stopped.  I have no proof.  I know what I know.  I know I stopped.  If I hadn't, I would've caused an accident.

It'll cost me $110 and 4 points if I walk away with my tail between my legs, and chances are if I fight it, I'll still have to pay.

It put me in a really off mood all day.

As I was driving home, grumbling ~ because there are so many better uses for $110 than to pay some jerks who lie behind a badge ~ it dawned on me: I had snakes writhing from my forehead and cast black shadows with my dark mood everywhere I went. Suppose someone ... some guy... liked me from afar (I know, stretch, right?) and was watching me at that very moment, wondering if I were worth the pain and embarrassment of asking me what class we had next... and saw me in that particular state. A state I'm not typically in, btw, but it doesn't matter. The poison is spread. All he could possibly hear is me screaming "NO!"

Life really doesn't give one much of a second chance, does she?

Enjoy & In Joy.

1 comment:

zirelda said...

Some days it sure doesn't.

But the nice thing is that we can generally look forward to a new day tomorrow.

I like that part even when I totally alienate everyone I know and love.

This has been one of those weeks. ha.

pass the popcorn, please!