29 July 2008

Menopausal Much?

I just got done talking to my sister (again). I have to tell you I'm having a crazy day today - not that it's hectic, more that I'm acting/thinking crazy.

First, you need to know I left my Black Cohosh in the mountains, and came home to clean up the girls' room while they're gone...

That said...

So, Sis tells me she wants to win the lottery so she can give lots of money to the Make-A-Wish foundation... and I lost it (not temper - tears).

Why is it the little cherubs who've been encased in love the entire 1825 days (plus or minus) on Earth get to have their wishes come true, only to depart this world and go to what all religions see as the ultimate Wish - Heaven?

Whereas the tender little American souls whose fathers and mothers work 24/7 to make ends meet - don't usurp social programs, but cannot afford to buy new clothing, much less a trip to Disney Land... or the tender little American souls who are beaten behind closed doors daily because Daddy/Mommy is a bully or on drugs (alcohol is a drug)... these little beings who try so hard to please, so much want to be loved or noticed... they get to live in quiet desperation, hoping someday their lives will get better. They dare to wish on one falling star after another, only to find out 10 years later their wishes were wasted on a meteor, not even a star. And when they've struggled through life... through disappointment after disappointment - no matter how high they've held their chin or how much they continued to hope and strive for a better life - they die at 90 never having seen the ocean, or a new pair of shoes, or having a Wish come true.

What's the answer, though? Suppose we made a Make-A-Hope foundation for these little American souls? Would they be happier after seeing the world one day, and then have to come back to their existence of day-by-day? Or would they see the world for what it has to offer, and then strive harder to make a better life for themselves as they grow up? Would kindness make their hearts grow bitter? Now knowing what they've been missing?

I have no answers. I wish I could take all those awkward little healthy American souls with scabbed knees and hand-me-down lives and give them a reason to hope, to believe and not ever give up. No matter how many times they're hit, or discouraged, or belittled, or abused. I wish I could wrap my arms around them and tell them, "This isn't what life is supposed to be. You drew the short straw, so pick your teeth with it and dare to be happy. This, too, shall pass."

Yeah, I'm a freak. Yeah, someone's going to write in and call me a pathetic, life-less, ignorant idiot because I don't see any value in the Make-A-Wish Foundation. But, that's okay, because there are many people who do - and that's all MAWF needs - caring, loving people to donate to their cause.

When I make my millions, I'm going to donate to American individuals who fall through the cracks, and - much like the power poles which line a busy street - nobody notices any more.

28 July 2008

Wanna play?

My sister was telling me: The other day my nephew - her son - got freaked out when he went to check on her home while she and her husband were, well, here in Colorado with me. My nephew is 21, tall and handsome, and not easily frightened. (He was to stay there on the weekend, leaving his older brother to check on the place/dogs during the weekdays.)

He said while watching TV one night it shut off, and he could see a reflection of a little girl with an evil smile on the tv screen. He said it seemed as though she was gesturing him to play with her. The room was cold, and all he could think about was "Sixth Sense" and it sent spooky shivers down his spine.

Convincing himself it was only his overactive imagination playing tricks on him (but all done playing) he decided to forget about spending the night there. He checked on the dogs and shut down the house, locked the door and took off for his own place.

As he was driving down the long road out of my sister's place, he looked in the rear view mirror and noticed the living room light was on. He was sure he'd turned it off. He pulled over to look closer - to make sure it wasn't just a reflection of headlights from oncoming car, or something.

At the window stood the little girl with an evil smile, slowly waving good-bye to him.

He didn't go back until my sister got home from vacation.

I asked her what she thought it may have been. She said she had no idea, but the house sometimes gives her the heebie jeebies, too... and often appliances turn on or off by themselves.

I then asked her if she ever saw dead people.

She said, "Only when I'm at work."

Enjoy & In Joy

27 July 2008

Being Soul in America

I saw CNN just did a program called: Being Black In America - I'm not going to comment on that except to say we all had our problems growing up; we all had our crosses to bear; all of our ancestors had some kind of difficulty to overcome. Whether you want to say, "Yeah, but our's was worse," or "You had it easier, and still do," nobody knows what it's like to be anyone else. I grew up in a small country town in Wyoming, where everybody knew everybody else - and they all knew everyone's business, so they thought. But, if everyone really knew what really was going on in my little town - behind our closed doors, they never let it show they knew my father was an abusive pedophile... and he was thee boy scout master in town. I often wonder how many little boys he scouted. But I'm going off on a tangent, here. Let me get back to my thoughts.

The American Culture is full of people as diverse as creatures in a pond - and it's one we're losing fast. We all see the differences. We all see the similarities. Why do we have to keep hashing out what one group sees as incongruities and another sees as opportunities? There are a few in every crowd who need their brains removed for the common good - people who think the color of your skin means anything at all. It doesn't. Just because you're black-skinned doesn't mean you're treated badly by society, and just because you're white-skinned doesn't mean you aren't. And, every shade in between.

We're becoming a culture of hyphenAmericans. We no longer have a culture in which to be proud, it seems. Our forefathers' visions are now just a joke to touchy-feely hyphenAmericans. A man can brutally rape a child and the Supreme Court says capital punishment doesn't fit his crime. What would? Should Yeti brutally rape and assault him?

Turn the other cheek. An eye for an eye. Let this generation pay for the crimes of our ancestors... Who are we supposed to pay back? How long will we have to pay for the decisions of our great-great-grandfathers? How or how much will we have to pay? When will it ever be enough? I cannot wait for the day Americans stand side-by-side and say, "I love this country - and not because my husband has a chance at being President, but because I was afforded every opportunity my grandparents and great-grandparents weren't - but through their sacrifices and hard work I am who I am today. And I am grateful to this Country, and my God - whomever I perceive my God to be (or lack thereof), and to all who came and struggled before me. I will do my best to make the next generation better than the last one. I promise to leave this Country a better place than when I arrived. And, I will stop placing blame on others, and start utilizing the challenges placed before me as a learning/building block to spring forth into my horizons; my life; my destiny."

Yes, I had a monster for a father. Yes, my upbringing was in poverty and shame. But, wonders upon wonders, I now have a treasure chest of experiences from which to draw as I take pen in hand and do what I love to do - write.

I give thanks daily for that monster who was instrumental in making me who I am today - not unlike the people who loved and cherished me. Because of him I have more compassion and strength, and understanding. There's no sense wishing I'd received that lesson in a more loving environment, because, hey - you take what you're given and you carve a life for yourself. You surround yourself with love and lovely people - and you thank the Universe daily for this wonderful opportunity of being Soul in America.

26 July 2008

What's so funny about that?


Anyway. I'm sitting here not knowing what to do with myself because Jack isn't reading over my shoulder and interjecting with her usual, "Momma, I'm hungry." Or, "Momma, when's lunch?"

My eldest is pregnant with my second grandson. I think I already mentioned that. She told me they've (tentatively) decided to name the baby Noah.

"Great," I said. "Now I'll have to buy him two of everything."

My mom has a friend, Lorena, who is in her late 80s. Lorena's not doing too well. Just the other day Mom told me Lorena is now on oxygen. Twixt I replied:

"Aren't we all?"

I went to the local Office Depot to replace my Vonage adapter the other day. I asked the salesmanpersonthingy if they had any USB cable. He said, "Sure do. How long do you need it?" And, swear to God, I said, "Oh, about four years ought to do it." He shook his head and said, "You're killing me, here." I know - it's an old joke, but it had to be said. And he just handed it to me - without a care in the world as to how I'd use it. The groan belongs to him.

But one of the biggest jokes of all continues to be the pharmaceutical companies who place ads for their snake oils on the telly and in our mags, knowing full well we cannot buy said poisons without a note from our doctor... I guess the joke is on us, really, because we lemmings see/hear the ads, ignoring the death-wishes attached to the pills disguised as 'side-effect may include' and we arrive at our doctor's offices armed with false expectations of a drug our bodies have no use for and doc doesn't really give a $hit about us or our health. Just the health of our bank accounts.... Next!

Enjoy & In Joy

18 July 2008


My sis and I had a good laugh this morning. I read in the Gazette 'they' now think a low-carb diet is better than a low-fat one.


 What we laughed about, however, is the idea if you eat low-fat or no fat, you'll not add fat to your body... so... what they want us to believe is fat converts to fat in your body? Using that concept, can we also say if you drink blood, your veins will probably pop as the blood goes directly into the blood stream... and if you eat meat, you'll bulk up your muscles... and if you eat liver, it'll go to your liver... and a healthy helping of brain matter will increase your brain size... and if you eat tongue, you'll be the most popular girl in school? Hmmm... makes you wonder what the main ingredient in a male-enhancement product is.

I may have gone too far, but hopefully you get my point.

We're forgetting all about our stomachs, and our fantastic digestive systems. If we can eat the crap we eat and drink the crap we drink, and our wonderful, magical bodies break it all down into something we can use and disposes of the other stuff efficiently, why do you want me to believe it won't work the same on fat or fatty substances? We human be-ings fall for everything them 'in the know' tell us, even though they flip-flop every 10-20 years or so.

Like my sis said, wasn't it just yesterday 'they' were warning us about the coming ice age? And now it's global warming, and flooding? Tomorrow it'll be the reoccurring threat of the earth's water evaporating, causing huge deserts all over our country... or a meteor plummeting to earth, knocking earth off its axis (whatever happened to that fear, anyway? That one was big in the early 80s.)... or, whatever.

So, go ahead and eat your fat, and let Jack eat your lean... and you'll see there's no difference. You aren't really what you eat, you know, or I would suggest our congress members have been eating a lot of horses' arses for the way they've been acting.
Enjoy & In Joy

16 July 2008

What's this button for?

My sister asked me an 'ethical' question this morning... yeah, it cracked me up, too. Me? Ethical? Thank you so very much, sis. :o) That's the nicest thing...

I watched "Secret Lives of Women" last night - the polygamous sects. Pretty interesting stuff. There's no way on God's green earth I could participate in something like that. I'm too much the jealous type. Can you imagine openly sharing your life... your love... with 2 - 40 other women? (I know many of us do it without knowing about it because our husbands are weasels who cheat, but that's different.) Can you imagine making that 'decision' when you're barely a teenager? Every man probably thinks it's a great idea - having the incomes of two or more women... diversify your bed mate every night, with any whim. Legalized pedophilia - some of these girls get married off by their fathers at the age of 12... to men old enough to be their grandfathers. One guy married his step-daughter. He said he was the only one strong enough in the faith to remove the devil's grip on her - because she wasn't happy about the situation - or something like that. I don't mean to judge. To each his/her own, but I know I couldn't last long in that society. That's just ooogie in my book.

Why don't you ever hear of a matriarchal society of polygamy - women with two or more husbands? Now that makes sense! No overpopulation, as a woman can only have one child every year (unless it's a multiple birth) and you'd have a man for every job. One to do mechanics: one to do the maintenance on the house: one to do the yard work: one to do the finances: one to do the odd-jobs... and one who's really good at doing... you... know what I mean.

Enjoy & In Joy

14 July 2008

Don't fish naked

Jack, the bean-stalk, has been growing so much lately. Pants which used to be too big and long on her just a few weeks ago now fit her like tight capris. Good thing tight capris are acceptable wear, or she'd be naked. I usually buy their school clothes a week before school starts as that's when all the sales are happening, and then they don't bug me for months on end to let them wear their new clothes over to their friend's house "just once. I won't get it dirty, I promise..."  
They've grown so fast and so much, they have to be there when I buy them to try 'em on. 


Jack has a talent which Jo calls "freakishly weird" - I may have spoken of it before. She can play her recorder through her nose... "Ode to Joy" is the song she usually picks. But now I've discovered a freakishly weird talent of Jo's. Every time we go fishin' the darn girl catches a fish. Only one time was it big enough to not throw back, but WOW! That's amazing to me. We were at a lake this weekend. She picked up a pole, and sure enough, not more than five minutes later she reeled in a fishy.

(The little boy is the child of a friend.)

I wonder if all of my kids know how amazing they are. I tell them all the time, but who ever really listens to this crazy woman?

Enjoy & In Joy

13 July 2008

One Stop Shopping:

Conspiracy Theories and Grammar lessons... all in one easy-to-swallow pill. (May not be suitable at all for humans. Can cause labor pains and minor navel-hair growth in pregnant or ovulating or menopausal women, or men looking to enhance their portfolio. Be sure to ask your doctor if this treatment is right for you...)
Not too long ago, I read someone's opinion that humans in the cities are far more happy and content than rural folk. They stated, in their opinion, if people would move from their huts in the country to the roaring metropolises which make up our great country, we could then move on to modes of mass transpo - effectively taking a bit of strain off our energy predicament. Not only would we drive our own cars less, we'd only drive out of necessity... and when we did travel via mass transit, it would force us to converse and interact with other humans be-ings along our paths (tracks?).

My opinion is this author is from a big city - like NYC, or LA - and has never ventured outside his limits to see human be-ings of the heartland already drive only when it's necessary; we already know our neighbors - at least the ones who wish to be known, or we wish to know (think No-You-Aints). We don't need no stinking buses or trains to make us act more humanely.

I wonder if the opposite will become true - people start hating each other more because they're forced to interact with others who play as nicely as they do, which is probably not at all. Familiarity breeds contempt.

Here's a conspiracy theory for you: Get all the lemmings onto buses and trains, and then the terrorist will have an easier/compact target. (I figured I may as well give you a conspiracy theory every now and again to help the less fortunate. You're welcome. I'm just doing my part.)

I like living in a smaller community. I like having clean air and stress-free shopping. I don't like living, as my mom would say, "elbow to arsehole" - so city living isn't for me. No Sir-eee, Bob. Thanks anyway.
Did you know, while researching my current book project this weekend I discovered (or rediscovered?) the word 'ain't' is a contraction of 'I am not'? I did not know that. Did you? It's improper, and grammatically incorrect to say: "Aren't I?" because one doesn't say "I aren't" - the correct grammar is "Aren't you?" or "Aren't we/they?" and "Isn't s/he?" but about 100 years ago, if you wanted to express "I am not" in that fashion, you were to say: "A'n't I?" Or, "Am not I?" which, throughout the years became "ain't" and has since been shunned by English professors and mothers alike. I think the accepted form now is "Am I not?" but I amn't sure.

I still think we should use that word: amn't. It was good enough for my children as they were learning to speak.

"A'n't I correct?"

Enjoy & In Joy

11 July 2008

Buy Lingual

Did you happen to catch the speech from our president the other day about how we shouldn't worry if immigrants learn to speak English, or not? He went on to say the immigrants would eventually learn to speak English after they lived here long enough (I disagree, especially if they stick to their own language-speaking neighborhoods and never venture outside their comfort zones). He said we should worry more about teaching our kids to speak Spanish.

I have two thoughts here - maybe more. We'll tally up later.

First - Not all immigrants are from Spanish speaking countries... therefore, should we really teach our children only Spanish as a second language? What message does that send to our non-Spanish speaking friends?

Secondly, I believe he meant to say all children need to be bi-lingual (or multi-lingual) in this day and age. With which I heartily agree. But, if that's the case, isn't he saying ALL children need to be bi-lingual, which would include the children of immigrants - thereby making it necessary, in his spoken opinion, for them to learn to speak English, as well?
And, as a parent with European/Native American ancestry, oughtn't I have the option to have my children learn German, French, Latin, Northern Arapaho Indian, Welsh &/or... whatever?

(Why is it we never get credit for learning 'the King's English'? That's just... how might Alli put it... a bit bonkers. One of our French Foreign Exchange students - Ophelie - said she didn't learn to speak the English we were speaking... She learned the 'correct' English!  It was amazing, listening to this tiny French girl speaking like the Beatles with her thick native accent.)

Is it important we bow down to one speaking faction of society? Just when did bi-lingual become synonymous with Spanish/English anyway?

Why are school funds - which, in my opinion, could more appropriately be used for the purchase of books and supplies - being used to print fliers and schedules and newsletters in 'English on one side & Spanish on the other' yet not printed in any other language, as a rule? I have nothing against speaking or learning to speak Spanish. In fact, I've considered learning it myself so I can better communicate with citizens of Mexico - when I vacation there again. "Una más cerveza, por favor, Daniel."

BTW, when I vacationed in Germany, I did my best to speak German - albeit poorly, as the last time I spoke the German language I was in High School. Yeah, they're probably still laughing, but that's not the point!

I think everyone coming to America ought to learn English for their own sake. I believe we all ought to take this 'globalization' thing by the horns and learn a different language... or two... or more... for our own sake. Improving yourself is never a bad idea.

Tyck om ditt tillbringar veckoslutet.

07 July 2008

Achieving Peace and Love... and total enlightenment

First off, I want to wish Ringo Starr and David a Happy Birthday today. I hope Ringo's birthday wish of "Peace & Love" today comes true. As for David:

I attended the North Side Elementary School in my little town. While in second grade, Mrs. Polson's room, she marked all of our birthdays on her calendar, and when it came to my turn, I said in a weak, pathetic voice, "July 2nd." David  -  a classmate whom I didn't know - as this was the first day of school - jumped up and said, "Seventh? July 7th? Your birthday is the seventh? So's mine!"

At that point I wanted so much not to disappoint, but apologetically said, "No, the second."

David sat back down all dejected like and said, "Oh..."

So, happy birthday David. I hope you're more satisfied with sharing Richard Starkey's birthday than mine.

I have two revelations to make today. As I drifted off to sleep, I realized God is probably a female. She gives us a clue as she dictated the Ten Commandments... Let me explain.

1. Thou shalt have no other Gods before me. Thou shall not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing (cross? statues?) that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water underneath the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them, for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God... (Now isn't that just what a woman would say? Yeah, only a woman would put that much detail into her demands.)
2. Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain. (Now, I believe that to mean you shalt not make money off the name of God... but that's just me. And, I'm a woman.)
3. Remember the Sabbath (Saturday) and keep it holy. (Men changed it to Sunday...)
4. Honor thy father and thy mother... (Yeah, an all-powerful man would even remember to mention a mother in the day females were no more than chattel.)
5. Thou shalt not kill. (My mom told me and mein bruder that 24/7 - and my dad just always tried to kill us... I'm just saying... )
6. Thou shalt not commit adultery... (I think a man would have left that one out, Period.)
7. Thou shalt not steal. (I think either gender would agree with that one.)
8. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor...("I did not have sexual relations with that woman...Ms. Lewinsky.")
9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, not his maidservant, not his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbor's. (Okay - why would a man covet his neighbor's ass???)

I never really found #10. The religions usually split #1 into two, but they are basically the same. Maybe 'Nine Commandments' wasn't as catchy...  or left the tablets lop-sided... Who knows?

My second revelation... I think my mother is going loop-de-loop. Her own revelation this weekend causes me to think such things. Somewhere in her vast search for 'the truth' she came across an article about an 80-year-old woman, who - in a controlled experiment, mind you - tripped on Magic Mushrooms and achieved total enlightenment. So, now Mom feels she'd like to take that Magical Mystery Tour (you're welcome, Ringo) herself...

Um... two things you really don't want to hear your mother say: "I've sold the house so you'll need to find another place to live." ...when you're barely 16 and... "I'd like to start experimenting with crazy-arsed drugs." ...thirty years later ...especially when you're absolutely, positively against mind-altering drugs. Period!

Enjoy & In Joy

03 July 2008

Now that was close!

Did I ever tell you how glad I am you take the time to read my thoughts? Well, I am. Thank you.

Did I ever tell you of the time I saw a UFO? It was back in the summer of '72 (stop with the math) and I was sleeping outside under the stars in a sleeping bag with my brother... Let me be clear - he had his own sleeping bag. We grew up in Wyoming, not Alabama! Anyhoo, I awoke before dawn, but the light of the sun illuminated the morning sky, giving off the eerie, not-quite-there feeling. Directly above us was an object which filled the pre-dawn sky. It completely filled the sky but at an arm's length, I probably could have grabbed it with my arms stretched wide... ('I'm pinching your head' type action - think Kids in the Hall). It hovered above us at quite a distance away. It was deafeningly quiet and felt as if it were vibrating within ...hard to explain. It shone in a grey-silver metallic. It was multi-dimensional, in that it was like the underside of an engine block. Not circular by any means, it was more of a rectangular crystal in metal, multi-surfaced and no rhyme or reason to the pattern. No marks, no writing, no lettering of any kind, it hovered until the sun peaked over the horizon, then blipped away so fast you would've thought it disappeared, but I watched it go.

I was frozen in surreality more than fear, and turned to my brother and asked, "What was that?"

His face told me what I my face was probably saying to him. If we were any older, we might have said WTF... but we didn't use the 'F' word - or initial -  back then. I don't know if it was invented yet... I wonder if whoever invented it gets a royalty every time someone uses it. S/he'd be a gazillionaire thanks to the 'entertainment' industry... but I'm tangent-ing.

I don't know what it was. I've never seen anything like it before or since, even in drawn depictions of others' viewings. I just know it wasn't my imagination. It wasn't a dream and I have no idea what it was, I just know it was.

I told you that to tell you this:

I was recently abducted by aliens.

I have a hard time telling you this. You'll think I'm crazy; a whack-job even. But, seriously, I was scared.

I had no way of getting away.
I didn't know where they had taken me...

...and, I can't speak Spanish.

Enjoy your day.

02 July 2008

It's my party

"The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts." Marcus Aurelius Antonius.

Here's to souls in all the colors of the rainbow.

Today's my birthday... I'd really like the new Jason Mraz CD, since you asked - I think it's "We sing, we dance, we steal things" - I amn't sure, but it has the song "I'm Yours" on it... Thanks for asking.

So... what would you say the color of my soul is today... this day... my birthday?

In Joy & Enjoy

pass the popcorn, please!