10 September 2008

Get over it!

I find it strange humans say “you need to get over it” when someone they care about (or don’t) is hurting - for whatever reason.

Get over it.
Really?!? Wow! Is that all I need to do? Thanks for the advice. I’ll get right on that pony!

I can tell you it’s easier said than done. As my mom is wont to say, “It looks better on paper.” Is there a specific time-line one has to follow in order to “get over it?” Does one get an hour, or a day, or a few years? Do you get a different ‘over it’ schedule depending on the varying degrees of pain inflicted on your soul?

For instance, just how much time is one allotted to get over the death of a loved one? How about the malicious, vindictive, dishonest words of a virtual stranger (or cousin, for that matter), or the harsh betrayal or abuse from friends/family? How about the infidelity and mendacity of a spouse, or the ruthless and inexcusably heartless treatment by health care professionals, police officers and other public servants in your hour of need?

You can call me cynical and jaded all you like – and you’re most likely correct. But, I know from experience - it takes as long as it takes. And the funny thing is, until you’re over it, you don’t have a clue as to when you’ll be over it. One minute you’re not, and then something happens… enough time has passed maybe, or your heart gets a case of Alzheimer’s, or you just stop caring, and then *BAM*, you’re over it. Just like that. Yesterday you had no idea you’d feel differently about your situation today.

Or, you think you’re over it and then something happens, - like an a$$wipe yarns yet another confabulation about you and *WHAM* back to the front of the line! Over it yet? Nope, not so much anymore.

Have you ever been in the situation where your heart was broken by your first serious boyfriend (ever) and a couple of years have passed… and you think you’re over it, finally? You haven’t seen him in years – and you barely remember anything about him, and then he walks into the room… and your knees buckle, your hands begin to shake, and your heart takes up temporary residence in your throat??? Yeah, not so much over it now, are you?

I tell you what else you never really get over: The smell of your newborn’s breath when the nurse brings her bedside to breastfeed; the sound of your baby’s first uncontrollable belly-laugh; the apprehension you feel with your toddler’s first few tentative steps; the look of wonder on your child’s face when she discovers new things; new worlds; new ideas. The feeling consuming your heart the first time your child tells you she loves you – or says you’re the best Momma ever (and I think you’re the best Sophe ever).

And the warm, comfortable all-consuming feeling of your love’s embrace, his tender kiss and unconditional love - and then you realize you finally understand. You’re home and nothing else matters.

When it just doesn’t matter anymore - that’s when your heart truly starts to heal and you know eventually you’ll “get over it” no matter how cynical or jaded you may have become. There’s hope on the horizon.

You don’t agree? Well, get over it! I’ll give you exactly two seconds.

Enjoy & In Joy


James A. Bowders said...

I have an observation to share...

People take everything personally, even when things have nothing to do with them, they project their life onto it, no matter what it is, and twice as fast if it is negative. Unable to see the point being made due to a preconception lodged and locked into their brains, so even now what I am writing this it has already been read and found to be the focal point of their insecurities and no matter what this truly says it has no doubtable damaged someone and they seek retribution for the evil that I write and for what I have done to them.

The USSA, the country of the offended.

But what do I know?

Sandra Miller Linhart said...

So much so that I'm fully considering shutting down this blog.

I can't help if people see me as bitter, mean, resentful, etc. I know my heart - and I know I am not all these things. I wish people I love and care about would really look inside their hearts and know who I am and whence I come.

I hate no one. I have no demons. I don't fester and rot in my soul. I am basically a pretty forgiving person, who lives and let lives - up to and until someone strikes at me or my children with uncontrolled abandon. If your life were threatened, would you walk away? Maybe that's what I should have done, but I've walked away so many times in the past, people take that as an invitation to walk all over me. I'm done being a mat - I crossed over that stage/state of mind during my divorce. Yeah, maybe people whom I love don't know me any more because I'm not the punching bag I used to be. I have no response to that. I have no solution for that. I am not going to return to being that person who allowed things to happen to me - because then I'm to blame. First time, shame on you - second time, shame on me.

One doesn't always write about the good things in life as readers would say "what an f*ing Pollyanna" and be gaggedly bored by my words.

I like strong discussions and animated words. I don't like idiots who write in with "gotchas" as I said before.

I try to be witty and flippant in an entertaining way.

I didn't mention how wonderful my daughter treated me on my last visit to her house - nor did I mention the wonderful food her chef husband prepared for us - nor did I tell of what a wonderful blessing it was to have spent time with my grandsons because these are 'personal' moments of love. And, because my daughter requested I not speak of her or her family ever again in this blog.

And, besides, when someone is looking for something to hate - they don't want love to be seen on the screen, for what would they have to hate me for?

I get more comments on my sarcastic blogs than I do on the ones like "the burdens we carry" or "every other parent" - which are two of the posts I am most proud of... no, I get hatefilled messages when I suppose things and think things in a not-syrupy-sweet way. I tell another side of a story and cause jo blow to go off center with their emotions.

I never thought someone's opinions when they differ from another's would be the reasoning for marriages to be stressed, for threats on my life made, or for fingers to be pointed and fits to be thrown.

I am really unsure as to why everything I do and say is held under the 'morality' microscope - held by 'victims' of my words - who say I play the victim. I haven't played the victim since I realized I played the victim - YEARS AGO. I wish people would hold the hate-spewers to the same standards as they hold me.

Just because I won't sit idly by and let another trash my name, threaten my life and insult my being - doesn't mean I'm playing the victim. If so-in-so has a right to attack, I believe I have a right - an obligation - to defend myself. I realized years ago no one is in my corner to defend me - only me. Anyone in my corner is there as a friend. I ought not let another speak up for me, when I am perfectly capable of speaking up for myself. Having said that - I will no longer apologize for sticking up for myself.

So, what do you think? Should I stop blogging so the unstable, pathetic souls (not talking of anyone in my immediate family when I say that) of the world will stop adding fuel to their own fires by misinterpretting my words, or should I just 'get over it?'

Anonymous said...

I'll never get over it if you stop blogging! MS. Anne Thrope

Sandra Miller Linhart said...

I actually wrote this piece weeks ago concerning my apparent and painful inability to "get over" the hurt I feel regarding X-man and all that is associated with him. Just when I think I've gotten over the betrayal and hurt - he says something to my children, or in the presence of my children and all those feelings of frustration come back to haunt me.
He did just bring them back to me, you know - all confused and timid in life.
You need not believe my words. I don't care. But I know why I wrote this and I know when I wrote this.
It took on a life of its own and instead of being yet another step away from the muck - turned out to be just more of it.

pass the popcorn, please!