I attended the North Side Elementary School in my little town. While in second grade, Mrs. Polson's room, she marked all of our birthdays on her calendar, and when it came to my turn, I said in a weak, pathetic voice, "July 2nd." David - a classmate whom I didn't know - as this was the first day of school - jumped up and said, "Seventh? July 7th? Your birthday is the seventh? So's mine!"
At that point I wanted so much not to disappoint, but apologetically said, "No, the second."
David sat back down all dejected like and said, "Oh..."
So, happy birthday David. I hope you're more satisfied with sharing Richard Starkey's birthday than mine.
I have two revelations to make today. As I drifted off to sleep, I realized God is probably a female. She gives us a clue as she dictated the Ten Commandments... Let me explain.
1. Thou shalt have no other Gods before me. Thou shall not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing (cross? statues?) that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water underneath the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them, for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God... (Now isn't that just what a woman would say? Yeah, only a woman would put that much detail into her demands.)
2. Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain. (Now, I believe that to mean you shalt not make money off the name of God... but that's just me. And, I'm a woman.)
3. Remember the Sabbath (Saturday) and keep it holy. (Men changed it to Sunday...)
4. Honor thy father and thy mother... (Yeah, an all-powerful man would even remember to mention a mother in the day females were no more than chattel.)
5. Thou shalt not kill. (My mom told me and mein bruder that 24/7 - and my dad just always tried to kill us... I'm just saying... )
6. Thou shalt not commit adultery... (I think a man would have left that one out, Period.)
7. Thou shalt not steal. (I think either gender would agree with that one.)
8. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor...("I did not have sexual relations with that woman...Ms. Lewinsky.")
9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, not his maidservant, not his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbor's. (Okay - why would a man covet his neighbor's ass???)
I never really found #10. The religions usually split #1 into two, but they are basically the same. Maybe 'Nine Commandments' wasn't as catchy... or left the tablets lop-sided... Who knows?
My second revelation... I think my mother is going loop-de-loop. Her own revelation this weekend causes me to think such things. Somewhere in her vast search for 'the truth' she came across an article about an 80-year-old woman, who - in a controlled experiment, mind you - tripped on Magic Mushrooms and achieved total enlightenment. So, now Mom feels she'd like to take that Magical Mystery Tour (you're welcome, Ringo) herself...
Um... two things you really don't want to hear your mother say: "I've sold the house so you'll need to find another place to live." ...when you're barely 16 and... "I'd like to start experimenting with crazy-arsed drugs." ...thirty years later ...especially when you're absolutely, positively against mind-altering drugs. Period!
Enjoy & In Joy