19 March 2008

Keeping it in focus

I have to tell you. I attended a class last night – let’s just call it CE. The subject of Nanny Cams came up. I was asked if I thought it was illegal, or legal. I know it’s legal, but part of me thinks it’s unethical… or just not right, because I could see myself as a 17-year-old teenie-bopper babysitting a child… and when I think no one’s watching I pull my undies out of my crotch because I’ve had a wedgie for days… or I kinda, you know, just sorta pick my nose… (it wasn’t a pick – more of a rub) because nobody’s watching. Then, I find out they were watching. Not only watching, but actually have it on recorded data for all to see. How embarrassing.

Another student said, “probably everywhere but in the bathroom.”

My instructor said it made no difference. If Nanny Pedophile wanted to “sodomize your child” (his words, not mine – my mind didn’t even go there and my father IS a pedophile…), what’s to stop them from doing it to your child in the bathroom.

He’s got a point.
I had a long drive home, therefore a long time to think about what was being said.

My first thought (which I voiced in class) – if you’re that worried about this stranger you have watching your child, you’d be better off to quit your job and stay at home and raise your own dang child. I got many groans and man-are-you-crazy opinions from that. But, seriously, we as parents are willing to pay more for coffee in a month than we’re willing to pay for good childcare. If we paid a nanny what s/he was worth, we’d be paying out more than we were bringing in… so why not quit your job and raise your own children? Because you want to feel important, right? Look in the eyes of your child and tell me who you’re trying to feel important for. (I’m getting a little self-righteous here, so I’ll stop.) My point is nobody is going to raise your child the way you see fit - even if they do a spectacular job - it will still fall short of your expectations for them because you cannot dare to think this stranger – this person who did not birth this child – could be anywhere near to what you are to your child. And if s/he is better than you – you’ll probably fire her/him out of jealousy.

So you videotape your nanny to prove yourself right.

To what end?

Say you caught your nanny “sodomizing” your child (not a pretty visual, I grant you – but I didn’t say it. Teacher did.)… Now what do you do? You feel vindicated because you hired someone you didn’t trust enough to trust enough and sure enough, s/he proved you right. Goody for you. What you’re not thinking is:

You have Nanny doing unmentionable things to your loving, adoring, trusting child… on tape… so you – and the rest of the whole world - can see… and???

Yes, you can prosecute. Yes, s/he is going to jail for hopefully a long time. Yes, you were RIGHT!!!!

And Yes. Your child was irrevocably and undeniably abused in a very real and lasting way. And guess what? Neither you nor your child will be able to get that image/fact out of your head – probably for the rest of your life. And you will still feel like you failed your child… even though you were armed with a camera - because you disarmed your common sense and better judgment.

Me thinks you better look harder for a decent caregiver for your child before deciding on just taping the injustice, unless your goal in life is to play the victim. In which case – I guess that’s on you. I have no response to that.

Another thought I had – If it’s legal to set up video recorders all over your house and tape everything and everyone in it, why did Rob Lowe get in so much trouble a while back for setting up a video camera in his bedroom closet and videotaping himself having sex with numerous girls? And, what if you set up a video system but didn’t tell your spouse, but then caught your spouse having sex with the nanny? Would you have a lawsuit on your hands? Just wondering. Doesn’t the spouse have an expectation of privacy in his/her own home?

I just don’t trust people who aren’t trusting. Me thinks they have one to many skeletons in their own closets… focusing the video cameras, I suppose.

Enjoy & In Joy


Anonymous said...

No. I don't think it would be legal to set a nanny cam without your spouses knoweledge and consent. At least, not in Colorado. If your spouse knew of the camera, and simply forgot when she did the nanny, then you would have a law-suit, but we don't have a nanny, so I don't need to worry about my wife.

Sandra Miller Linhart said...

Well, thank Goddess for that!!! What about your pool boy, though?

James A. Bowders said...

Spring cleaning could also cover all of these issues as well...You have issues with these people…just throw them away.

“Time to clean house!”

Well that is what my former spouse did, cleaned out the house and I was left with what she considered the trash. But do not feel bad for me, because it was the very Spring Cleaning my soul needed.

But what do I know?

pass the popcorn, please!