03 December 2007

Green Me!

Hey! I just came up with a fantastical idea.

You know how America is now the #1 leading ‘developed country’ in green-house gas emissions? At least that’s what they said on NPR this morning… oh, watch out – here comes a tangent – Is America #1 in green-house gas emissions, or just #1 in developed countries? If it’s the latter – that really isn’t telling us much. What country over-all emits the most green-house gasses? And, how do you know that?
Anyway, I was thinking – and those of you who read my blogs know this can be a very dangerous pastime – What if the greenies of America, like the celebutards and movie stars find themselves trying to jump on the King of Green’s bandwagon (that would be Ed Begley, Jr.) and don’t know quite how to go about it? I have a plan. Muahahahaha!

Celebutard ‘A’ takes the money she would have spent to buy PUS child ‘B’ - from some country we’ve yet to pronounce correctly, but is in dire need of - a laptop – and puts it into greening-up a house in a neighborhood near you. They could even make a ‘reality TV show’ about it. You know, solar panels, windmills, gardens – the whole nine yards (which is a real oogy military term relating to shooting off all the rounds of ammunition, but that’s not the topic today, so get on with it), and in the process one more American home is conformed to saving the planet – one house at a time.

You may say, “Yes, but then American family ‘C’ whom just had their house redone by Celebutard ‘A’ will only sell said house with the benefit of just had been worked on by said celebutard…" to which I say, “Does it matter? The house is still ‘green’ and living off the grid – better for all of us in the long run.”

That way all of these people with disposable incomes can really make a difference in the land they proclaim to love… well, at least love enough to find the loop-holes in tax breaks… HEY! Even better… we could figure out a way that doing this “Green Me – Green My House” TV Show could be tax-deductable to Daddy Greenbucks… instead of taking 1% of their income outside our borders to help children get laptops. (This also helps out those of us who are truly wanting to get off the grid and become solar/wind efficient, but will never make enough money in our lifetime to succeed in that particular dream.)

Which brings me to another question: If I make $23K a year, and give twenty percent of that to a charity, and Paris Hilton only gives 1% of her daddy’s income… who is giving more and who is more giving? On the surface, looking only at the amount of money given, it would seem Paris is both… but, even if I gave it all, Paris would still be giving more – just by giving 1% - yet, I’ve given (hypothetically) all I have to give… and those who ‘have’ have only given 1%... which is close to nothing, comparatively. Just laptops (I mean food) for thought.

Anyway – back to “Green Me – Green My House” – Movie Stars and Celebutards alike can really make a difference – and the show can be hosted by the King of Green himself. What do you say, Ed? Are you up for it?

(I want royalties for the idea – don’t worry – 1% of Angelina Jolie’s annual income will be fine. – Please make that tax-free. Thanks.)


Anonymous said...

great idea. i know just the fellow to be the first recipient, and the first contributor: Al Gore.
Put your money where your house is, Al.

Sandra Miller Linhart said...

Now, now... be nice. You don't know he doesn't recycle.

James A. Bowders said...

I have just proposed the Green House Effect Initiative Bill, I can bore you with the thousands of pages of content, but for you, I’ll summarize: It is a plan to outsource all our Greenhouse Emissions to developing countries. The best part is we can pollute more for less, and then complain about the cost of it being an import and being of shoddy craftsmanship.

Oh, now all I have to do is show Congress how they can pork barrel attachments promising them all a large overpriced government contract into there constituency to seal the deal.

Anonymous said...

Congress is the pork! And the porkers! What's that squealing noise? The sound of your world coming to a screeching halt OR the sound of senators and representatives getting another pay raise? Pretty much the same either way! Anne Ominous

Anonymous said...

Al "Green" must have read your blog! FOX News reported this a.m. that the Evironmeister is installing solar panels and a rainwater recycling system at his mansion. Oooohhhhhh...Warm bath! Like solar panels don't create their own form of damage on the environment. Maybe he'll get another peace prize, not so much for being proactive about the cause he holds near and dear to his (heart), but definitely for putting his mouth where the sun don't.., I mean, putting his money where his mouth is! I can't imagine his latest efforts make much more of a dent or difference than his previous endeavors. Has he or Tipping the Sauce ever experienced the joy of rinsing out tin cans and plastics and sorting them into the appropriate bins, or say, bundling newspaper and hauling the recycling bins to the curb on trash day? Oh wait! Isn't that what his crew of illegals is for? Should a Nobel Prize Winner actually be expected to get his hands dirty, with say, a compost pile? Not when he has so many important thinks to inflict on unsuspecting, overwhelmed Legal American Resident Taxpayers! Get real! TIRED OF THE VERBAL DIARRHEA EMANATING FROM DA PIMPZ OF CAPITAL HILL!

pass the popcorn, please!