20 October 2007

That Socks!

I hate folding socks.

If I had a million dollars, I'd pay someone to match, fold and put away the socks of this household.

I cannot remember a time when I didn't have a laundry basket full of socks awaiting a gentle hand to sort and pair them together... a kind of 'match.com' for foot mittens. Maybe when I was two and sock-folding task belonged to my mother.

I sit here - right now - looking at the seemingly insurmountable pile of socks in the white wicker laundry basket sitting on my dining room floor.

I put them there so I can be reminded I have yet one more household task to complete before I can relax. Doesn't work. Just reminds me how much I hate to fold socks. And, as I've already revealed - I'm sitting on my as... living room couch.

Do you know how many socks a household of six females can accumulate? I know - there are only three at home now, but it doesn't make it any less depressing, or the pile any less formidable.

Yes, I could have my eight- and ten-year-olds fold their own dang socks, but then I'd still have to do mine and why give the task I hate most in the world to little people? What kind of person would that make me?

Besides, then I wouldn't have anything to belly-ache about today.

And they'd mismatch most of them anyway. They don't care if one's lemon meringue yellow and another one's sunlight yellow - "Hey! Two yellow socks - BINGO!" Too bad the lengths don't match up and the one's stripes are a different shade of blue than the other's green polka-dots.

Seriously. Do you think anyone would take a job to come in to my house maybe once a week to fold our socks? I don't want a maid.  I don't mind cleaning my own house 'cuz it's small and I know it's clean when I clean it ...but, if I were rich enough I may rethink having a maid ...and a cook ...and a Cabana boy...

"Oh, Cabana boy. Una más cerveza, por favor..." Meanwhile, I sit in my bathhouse, soaking my woes away. Who knows?

Is there anybody out there with a sock fetish who would just LOVE to come to my house and help me out? How much would one charge for that? As my sister would say, "How many nickels you got?"

Is there a website for odd jobs like that?

For instance - I could register as a towel folder, because folding towels is almost therapeutic.

I wouldn't mind unloading a dishwasher, but I really don't like loading one.

I could separate your laundry and start your washer, but you'd have to do the rest.

I'd do your chores palatable to me, and in turn, you'd do my chores that bring me down. (down, down, down, down, down-be-doo-be, down, woe, woe, woe, woe).

Not that I have a household chore fetish, by any means. Truth be told, I could be a woman of leisure. If you wanted to do all of my household chores - hey, who am I to deny you?

I'm accepting applications immediately. Apply within.

1 comment:

James A. Bowders said...

You have heard of Dust Bunnies...

I would like to appy for Snuggle Bunny.

Truth be known...I have a large white laundry basket of my own with nothing but socks in it needing to be paired...I don't fold socks, I just pair them. I guess it is because I don't like the way One ends up getting stretched out and you can never figure out which one was on the out side last time you folded them.

You are right about one thing...some household chores just socks.

pass the popcorn, please!